I am just an observer now. I am not a participant. I often point out things that people don’t want to notice. It’s not polite. I am not polite. I am opinionated, that is a given, but my opinions are formed mostly from observation…not from the thoughts of others. Take it or leave it alone. No matter. I don’t thrive on approval or vanity. My opinion means nothing. If it helps some arrive at the place that I am mentally…I humbly apologize. I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy.
They say that as you grow older, time moves faster. Things move faster. Well, of course that is just perception. I have held many truths over the years. They have fallen by the wayside to be replaced by others that in turn are tested by time whizzing by them. From this perspective…these advancing years…things do seem to move more quickly; at a more rapid pace. But they move in a meaningless motion. Without a singular direction that I had assumed that civilization would take. All swirling in their futile circles around some pretty childish “truths”. Money. Sex. Vanity. Fear. That’s all there is. Religion is thrown in there at times, but only as a veil for one or other, or all of the big Four.
Now some will say that I left out “love”. I didn’t. I just spelled it differently when I named it as “sex”. For that is all that it is…well, sex coupled with vanity. You can talk about love until your gums bleed, but to me it is like religion…just a cloak for a more basic motivation.
Procreation with a lot of vanity thrown in. This is not a new observation of love. Something that every civilization on the planet has written billions of words trying to glorify…or sell. You can and probably have felt this emotion. This drive. There is nothing wrong with it.
Philosophers have pointed out the basic drives and complicated them. I have read them all at one time or another. Aristotle says we are what we do. I don’t know if I believe that. I have done a lot of things that I don’t think define me as a person. Plato says we are watching shadows on a wall. Meh. Maybe. Kierkegaard tells us that a true lover cannot be heartbroken. I guess he saw the vanity in love. And these truths that they have hammered out, also fall away when age grants you a more sober perspective. A more on-the-ground set of rules that you try to impart to the younger…who don’t listen. I didn’t. That is the scourge and the glory of youth. Not listening closely enough. To others that have been there. To themselves. That probably accounts for the circular quality dictated by the big Four drivers of the human psyche. We have to learn for ourselves. Most never do learn the big lessons. They die thinking they are leaving something to their heirs;when in fact they are merely making room for those that follow to make the same errors in judgement. They must be errors. Life cannot be this meaningless.
I have no answers about life…no grand vision of how things really are. But I’ll wager that it isn’t about fear or money, sex or vanity…when it comes right down to it. Or love. But maybe that’s just me.
Now I could go on to say that the ruling class of our planet at the moment…the descendents of a warring tribe from southern Russia…purvey the big four to the rest of us, because they want more of it for themselves. Sex, money and vanity. Fear is for the rest of us. I could say that they take advantage of our addiction to these simplistic things because they believe that’s all there is to life. And I would probably be correct. It certainly seems that way. They have no real religion as the Gentile knows it. No true moral compass. No veil of worship to mask and deceive its own followers into thinking that one or the other of these is somehow noble. And that is why they are so bent on selling them to the rest of us. They don’t know any better. That might be partially true. I dunno. What I do know about them is as leaders…they suck. They exalt these basic ancient impulses as supreme in the human condition. I can’t help but think they are wrong about this. I also know that if these sophomoric two-dimensional entertainments is what you crave….you’ve come to the right planet…and at the right time. “Want sex? We have stacks of it. Vanity? We will make you think that physical appearance and/or celebrity is the end-all be-all and that sexual union can be a commodity as well as a noble aspiration. Fear? That is what we thrive on! Money? Well, not so much. That’s ours”.
Anyway, I have always been told I think too much. I make too much out of simple things. I evaluate every detail and miss the big things, and their importance. Maybe that’s true. But I have decided quite a while ago that I don’t think I want to be a part of this particular planet at this precise point in history. It’s not my cup of tea. It isn’t linear enough for me. It isn’t moving ahead…just around. No advancement. There aren’t enough people here like me. You might say that is vanity. You could be right.
All I know is that I feel like I am walking down the midway of a cheap carnival listening to jewish hawkers trying to sell me things that I don’t want. Nor can I conceive of a time when I would want them. They scream at me…”c’mon Lucky…it’s your turn to win the Kewpie doll”. But I don’t want it. It is cheap and discard-able. Barkers scream at me to get on-board the latest and greatest ride. The one that goes around and around…and you wind up back on the midway…dizzy. Much like all those circular motions I mention up there.
And the lights and the whizzing and loud hawking over the bad music is giving me a headache from hell. It is all identifiably yiddish in nature…this nightmare of an existence. I see the seedy carny behind every booth, no matter how attractive it appears from the midway.
I’m grateful at least that I won’t have to endure this much longer. Probably to the delight of many. But the world is too much with me today…so don’t quote me.