I think too much. A friend recently said that his idea of a theme park ride would be to be inside my brain for a few minutes. He is probably right. I dunno. It’s hard to judge what eating cotton-candy on the ground would be like when you are whizzing around up here in this roller-coaster all the time. Actually at times it is attractive. The idea of ignorance and bliss. I wish sometimes I could be blissful. Never have. Something won’t let me. I think it’s integrity or conscience or something. I have always been one of those that took their mother too seriously when they said “finish your vegetables…there are starving people in China”. Mothers used to say that. I don’t know what they say now. Maybe they say “…if you want to grow up to be a transsexual and make lots of money…eat your cotton-candy”. I don’t know. I am out of touch with mothers. I don’t know what they are thinking anymore.
I get baited a lot. Someone sent me this link. I believe they see it as…I dunno…educational…entertainment. Or they are baiting me. Notwithstanding the fact that Isababelle sure looks and sounds like her mother, to me it’s just a few sex-obsessed jews, one natural scientist and an aging actress advocating the dissolution of monogamy. But that may just be me. Sometimes I can’t trust my ability for critical thinking…I’m told. I can’t accept anything on the surface. I always have to analyze it. Look for a deeper meaning…and agenda. It’s tiring. But there you have it. “I said, live it, or live with it”.
I think of people like me that have lived and worked in the world just as I have, but in positions of responsibility in the media, and the military…Wall street…and Washington. People who also finished their vegetables when mother told them. Those who were also dogged by conscience and integrity as they matured. What did they do with that feeling? How do they get rid of it? I know that I don’t have a monopoly on this disease.
When I think of the corruption of Western civilization in all it’s facets, I gotta think “where are the Gentiles that have always known better…and how do they sleep?” I wish I knew. Maybe I would ditch this fatiguing viewpoint and get me some bliss. I might even take 30 silver pieces and go shopping or something.
It’s like…years ago when I moved into this little Midwest community and after reading their local daily for a while, I felt the need to voice my opposing opinion to the right-wing conservative editorializing I saw there. I wrote several op-ed pieces which they printed. That alone is unusual. Or… maybe as I said a few inches north of here, some enjoy baiting me. Whatever. Well, of course I got backlash to my opinion. Antisemitic. Narrow-minded. Anti-american. All the usual invective. One response even began with “How DARE you!” (now I wonder where I have heard that before…or since?) Strangely enough though, everything that I said in those dozen or so articles that were so “wrong”…turned out to be true. Amazing. But tiring. No real reward, save sound sleep at night. But I want more.
Yes, I want some bliss. I am tired of trying to drag all these people up here to my vantage point in this roller-coaster. Some will come…others stand their ground and are slack-jawed at how high and dangerous it is.
The world is too much with me lately.
There are indications that more and more people are getting on this ride of ours. The immediate suspicion that the Wikileaks thingy has aroused, the college students disrupting israeli propagandists, the riots in London over student tuition/(jewish)debt. These are all indicators that less and less are willing to stand there in the midway and stuff carnival food in their mouths in bliss, and perhaps scale to a higher moral ground. We have gotten them to this point of dissatisfaction. All of us out here. But at what cost?
No cotton candy. No bliss. Just eating our vegetables. Just sleep.